and bored as hell. Just a note for myself.
Since I think I'm ready to get over this.
I think I'm ready to spill the beans now.
I was really depressed weeks ago.
because I got kicked out of choir. haha!
Somehow, I find it funny now.
I think I should put it in this way instead.
I'm not qualifiy to sing for competition.
To be in the team.
Despite being desperate over the years to sing,
the current me would have went to persuade Gan to put me in.
Instead I happen to believe my voice wasn't good enough.
However, a week after I found the courage to go to consult her.
I asked what makes me not qualified for comp
and I think I actually stared at her in disbelieve
when I heard her words.
She said my voice is too loud for choir.
Okay, that's acceptable.
And she continued, saying that I don't have
expression when I'm singing.
Days later I arrived with the conclusion thinking that
I have nothing to lose not being in the team.
Till then on Friday's Chinese singing comp,
me and Wen won first place for duet.
Yet she was one of the judge
and she actually tell me we sounded nice.
I went home
locked myself in my room
suffocate myself with the pillow
and cried my eyes and heart out.
To be honest,
I confronted Gan for the third time today after being kicked out.
Let me explain, firstly,
I didn't intend to consult her to ask what's wrong with me in the first place.
It just came out wrong from my mouth.
I wanted to tell her I desperately wanted to sing for choir
because I was not given the chance to do so for the past few years
cos' my dad just don't like me singing.
You see, some may say my parents are supportive. Well,
they are during family day cos' it's what they like. Bussssinesss.. know?
When it comes to singing, my dad thinks I'm embarrassing him.
Till I sang in front of his friends during a party
which made him speechless
that now although he didn't support me
at least he didn't discourage me.
God knows,
I'm not even in now even my dad gave me the permission to sing.
As I've said, it came out wrong.
I ended up asking what's wrong.
For my second attempt.
I asked the same question again that she told me I'm expressionless.
Today, which I know it's too late,
I still went to her. This time I told her what I WANT TO SAY.
She said I should have went to her earlier that I'm too late now.
From that moment, I know I am all to blame.
I hate myself for being a coward.
People nowadays always say,
chances are very rare to get,
you have to make one for yourself.
I knew, I just ruin one.
I'm totally over it now.
I've learned from my previous lesson
that there's no point being regret
or feeling bad over something that had been done.
You'll just hurt yourself more not moving on.
You probably don't get what I'm saying here.
As long as I get it that's fine.
---------------------------------------------
Studies just can't get me distracted.
Books can thou.
I've been reading lately.
and here's 4 books that I would say.
It's nice and I think those who likes romance will like this.
Plus,
watch these. Please. Can't embed.
I'm sorry you have to take this trouble but just go watch these, will you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjm2i37xSM8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVU4IkzMNIo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4mB94ejivU
-------------------------------------------
You should have seen me sing on Friday.
You'd be proud of me.
Wen and I was singing our song.
How I wished that you were here for me now
so that I won't walk thru these with God only.
Well, at least I know I have him and he's here for me always.
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