You are exactly my brand of heroin

This is going to be an emo post. If you don't like to hear these. Get out off here before I start shouting fuck off. Sorry.

Today was ok and is still ok. It turned out I can't be as happy as i thought I could be today. When today came, I found out that Twilight was all along distracting me from thinking about you. Remember me mentioning about being sad after finishing the 4th Twilight Saga? Now I know why. Because it'll be a hard time again till I can find something that could distract. Tambahan lagi, Twilight the Movie ended today too. All expectations ended today. I couldn't rekindle the lighted splinter anymore no matter how much volume of oxygen I fill the gas jar with. Holiday felt meaningless suddenly somehow. Nobody sees how I cried and screamed in the inside. Nobody sees how much I pretended to be a happy me. How many times have I repeat these lines. Sometimes today, just that second I thought someone heard my faked laughter.

You must think how can one be so hyper yesterday and so down today. Yes, i've been suffering bipolar and I would jump of my from my condo's balcony anytime I want and dare me to do it. But you know what's stopping me? God, our Father, oh Lord. He says it's a sin to not appreciate life and I don't want to go to hell :) I'll go on with life, climbing up that cliff breathing so heavily. But I still believe. Beyond that cliff, I'll see rainbows. I'll see whatever beauty that awaits me there. I'm still struggling yet believing someday.. I'll see that. I will.

These words are mostly nonsense from my brains. I do not wish to ruin anybody's day. So don't read if I'm making you upset with my words.

Yea. Let me quote something from the book at last. Would you be happier? If I'm making a decision and telling you, "it will be as if I never existed". Tell me. What can I do and what do I have(need) to do to make you happy. But if you're going to say this to me. "it will be as if I never existed". I can't do it because you're the last person I'll forget in this world. I mean it and will you say, "if you stay, I don't need heaven." Will you? I don't think so. Not even in my dreams.

Now let me quote something from May's blog.
remember this from the book?
and so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
what a stupid lamb.
what a sick, masochistic lion.
u know that part? the whole damn cinema laughed when they said it.
wasnt it supposed to be some kind of "awwwwww my heart just melted" part!?
Yup. I was like what's wrong with these people. Am I in Malaysia?? Wondering why are these people so outdated, why did they missed the book. and then now find the movie awesome.

Well.. and they cut the on-the-bed kissing scene too. You know, I think it's a waste of money to watch it in the cinema but Chiun Wei says it's nice and Soo Mei is happy today altho she complained a lot too after the movie. So I have nothing more to ask for.

Conclusion is, it's a huge expected disappointment for me because movies based on books usually are a piece of shit like Harry Potter but Twilight was okay. Maybe I've expected it to be shit or just some actor actually fits the character. Robert Pattinson looks just perfect at a few angle but he seriously need a comb in the movie and shave in real life. The glittering part of Edward in the meadow? is disgusting. I imagined him to be shining like an angel. Not glittering like diamonds. I almost LOL. Kristen Stewart? As beautiful and plain as ever and others.. everyone actually fits the character. They cut and edited more than a quarter of the book. Do you know the feeling of 2 movies playing at the same time expecting both to be almost alike, you repeating the lines in your head knowing each word and suddenly someone switch your channel and the line, the scenery changed. How frustrating it could be. Anyway, the movie is nice in its own way. Worth you watching but not in the cinema with the girls giggling ruining the romantic and sweet kinda atmosphere. I did too actually. A little when Edward first shown on the screen. Then I laugh more(quietly) seeing his facial expression like having some pain in the ass. This movie is more like a comedy to me. Seeing the actors on stage acting wrongly makes you laugh isn't it?

Erm, you might want to forget about the book while you're watching the movie. That's what i've been trying to do in the cinema for that past 2 hours. Enjoy and it'll be nice. In its own way. Then read Twilight if you haven't. It's best reading it.

Sorry. I know I talk a lot. Or should I say babble.

Are you happy today? :)
미안하다, 사랑한다